Something’s Wrong with Sissy: Part One

I have finished revisions on the first part (of five) of my Middle Grade supernatural horror novel, Something’s Wrong with Sissy. I’ve pasted the text below. I’m happy with it overall. If you like it, I’d love to hear from you with a comment.

Part One: Summer

It was this time last summer that Sissy stopped talking. I remember it clearly. We were in the backyard, near the woods. Midsummer, so it was really hot. She turned to me, face shining with sweat. She glanced at the treeline and grinned. I could see the mischief in her eyes.

“C’mon, Mags! Find me!”

Those are the last words she ever said.

She took off, clearing the lawn in no time. She had always been a fast runner. Before I could say anything, she had disappeared beyond the oaks and maples. I groaned as I got to my feet. I was tired already from the heat and really didn’t feel like moving.

“Come back, Sissy!” I yelled. “I don’t want to play!”

No response. I called out again. Nothing.

I stomped forward, slowly building up the energy for something faster than a crawl. As I reached the treeline, I shouted again.

“Sissy! I’m not playing!”

She didn’t respond. I figured she didn’t want to give away her position. She was a champ at hide and seek. It always took me forever to find her on the best of days. I was always a little annoyed by the time I found her crouched inside a box in the attic or stuffed in the lazy susan (after she had stashed the pots and pans inside the oven) or, one time, hanging from the top branch of the tree by our bedroom window.

Sissy had always been small. She was born that way. I was the big twin, that’s what people called me. Sissy was the little one. The sick one. The frail one. “Frail” was what Gramma Mullins always called her. Frail little Sissy.

But she wasn’t frail. She was strong. And fast. “A natural athlete,” our father said.

As I walked through the woods, I kept an eye up toward the sky. I was looking for a hint of her green shirt or white shorts or bright blue shoes–something to give away her position. On the ground, I gently kicked at any large piles of upturned earth or fallen acorns. She had never hid in the dirt, but I bet she could dig like a dog and make herself a spot in no time flat.

I called out again. Then again.

Nothing.

“Look, Sissy,” I yelled at the trees. “I’m seriously not playing this stupid game right now. It’s hot and I am going inside. And if you don’t come with me then I’m going to–”

I struggled to think of something appropriately wicked.

“–I’m going to throw all your books in the trash. After I burn them. I mean it!”

I screamed the last part so loud, it made my throat hurt.

Still no answer.

I was so angry by that point, I almost didn’t hear the thud.

All my anger sank to my feet and suddenly I felt scared.

“Sissy?” I called out. “Sissy, are you okay?”

I ran toward the sound, almost snagging my shoe on a tangle of branches. Some twigs stuck to my laces and I kicked them off as I ran. I spotted something white in the distance. My brain tried to process what I was seeing in the confusion of color.

White. White shorts. Green. Green shirt.

Blue.

Blue shoes.

Sissy.

I ran.

Roots scraped at my ankles, twigs crunched under my feet, leaves gathered into darkness above me. Every step seemed like a mile. I couldn’t run fast enough. Finally, I reached her. Finally, I saw her.

My sister, slumped against the rough trunk of a graying tree.

She looked like a broken bird. Arms bent at her side like dead wings. Her head at a hard angle, face turned away.

I stopped, unsure of what to do. Something inside me pushed me forward, my feet suddenly stones. My hands shook. My thoughts were nothing but a blur.
When I got close enough, I dropped to my knees beside her.

My mom always said never to move anybody who was hurt because you could make their injury even worse. While that warning was in my head, I couldn’t resist rolling her over. She was breathing, which was good. But her face. Her face was pale. Blood trickled from her nose in thin red rivers. Tears lined her eyes. A stream of saltwater trickled down her cheek and pooled inside her left ear. She stared at the sky, eyes wide, catching the beams of light breaking through the leafy cover of the woods.

I snapped my fingers in front of her face. She didn’t respond. No blink, no sound.

Nothing.

I didn’t want to leave her but I had to. I cemented her location in my mind. I memorized the path I took out as I ran back home to get our parents.
Click to Read More

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Something’s Wrong with Sissy: Prelude

So I gave up writing.

It wasn’t intentional. It honestly just happened. A confluence of rejection, exhaustion, and anxiety wore me down and I stopped writing.

Outside of the day job, that is.

Time passed. Writing became something I didn’t do. I didn’t even think about it.

It was freeing. I stopped worrying about a lot of things and allowed myself to be okay with where I was in my career, in my life.

Then things started nagging at me. Unconsciously. I started to feel that anxiety when walking through a book store. I felt an aversion to reading. I got The Guilt over not having an agent and not having some big publishing contract. The tells.

The desire to write showed up soon after.

I dreaded things going back to how they had been. Back to being stuck in this constant cycle of unfulfilled ambition and unending self-defeat.

Then something else happened. I broke through a barrier, pierced some emotional membrane. I felt the need to write, the drive to create, but all those other anxieties melted away. I had the desire to go and make—and that was it. Nothing weighing me down, making me feel less-than. I fell back in love with both writing and reading without all this other baggage.

I wasn’t used to that. Depression, fear, anger had always been part of the package. Without those feelings, that creative fever I felt wasn’t a burden. It was exciting.

Admittedly, that made me nervous. I waited for the other shoe to drop and it didn’t.

Certain I wouldn’t be ambushed, I wandered into the writing fields again. I dusted off an old story of mine and started revising it. Free and clear and without. Without all those other, horrible things.

Which leads us to now and the name of this blog post. The story I’m revising, the story I’m finishing, is a Middle Grade horror novel called Something’s Wrong with Sissy. It’s a dark fable about a young girl named Margaret whose twin comes down with a strange affliction that only she can solve—or at least try to.

It’s about 20-25% of the way done now. I’ve posted some bits of it on my Twitter but will post longer excerpts here as I’m comfortable.

It appears I’m back writing. And for the first time in a while, I’m happy about that.

Stay tuned.

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My New Home: FUNCOM

I’ve been here a month but am just now getting around to updating my site.

On May 7th 2018, I started my new gig as Creative Director at Funcom, Inc, makers of the exceptional supernatural horror MMO Secret World Legends and the new brutal survival game Conan Exiles set in the world of Robert E. Howard’s renowned barbarian.

I’m super excited for this change—it’s been great already—and I can’t wait to share what we’re working on.

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Heading Toward a New Horizon

Y’know, as much as it hurt at the time, maybe that failed Kickstarter was a blessing as my life has gotten very busy.

I wanted everybody to know that today starts my final week with the wonderfully mad, creative folks at Deep Silver Volition. I am sad to leave them but it is time. After Friday, I hit the road and arrive in my new home on Sunday—and start a brand-new awesome gig that Monday!

I’m also hitting the last four months until my BIG NON-FICTION BOOK DEADLINE. I hope folks dig it. It’s not a topic I get to geek out about often so I’m excited to share it.

I’ll follow up with details once I can but I’m stoked for this new chapter (and new book!) and can’t wait to share them with you.

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Kickstarting Now: KUNG FU ANIMALS (SAVE THE WORLD)

I’m Kickstarting a brand new tabletop RPG setting for fans of Ninja Turtles and Thundercats and everything where groups of weirdos have to protect humanity from some masked menace. Introducing KUNG FU ANIMALS (SAVE THE WORLD)!

What’s the Goal?
I want to create the ultimate roleplaying game for fans of comics and shows like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, ThunderCats, Kung Fu Panda, Street Sharks, Captain Planet, and lesser-known classics like Silver Hawks and Tiger Sharks! I grew up loving those shows–where a cast of not-quite-human outcasts protect the world from nefarious threats and costumed maniacs. But outside of some long out of print books, no RPG has managed to capture the fun, excitement, and sheer oddity of those stories.

I want to change that.

So I’m creating KUNG FU ANIMALS (SAVE THE WORLD) using the fast, fun, and furious Savage Worlds roleplaying system.

I’m a huge fan of Savage Worlds, having played it for years and even using it for my own neo-noir crime setting, Streets of Bedlam.

What is KFA(STW)?
KUNG FU ANIMALS (SAVE THE WORLD) is a setting for the hugely-popular and immensely-fun Savage Worlds roleplaying system. It’s a book that gives players the tools to create their own wild universes where semi-human characters become the world’s greatest heroes. We start with your character’s Origin–did they come to being by accident? Experiment? Are they an alien? A machine?–and then build from there. Each step, you get Edges, Hindrances, and Skills that help shape your unique character.

Player groups are encouraged to build groups together as the best source material revolves around groups of diverse personalities who work together. Pick the size of your group, from lone wolf to dynamic duo to a sprawling troupe of heroes. The size of the group determines the dynamic–and the roles within the group. Is your character the jokester? The leader? The rebel? Or maybe they’re the mascot? Or master? You have tons of options, each granting specific bonuses that help your character stand out for their unique qualities.

As with all Savage Settings, KUNG FU ANIMALS (SAVE THE WORLD) is all about getting you to the table and playing as soon as possible. Character creation is quick–and you can shortcut the process even further by selecting a pre-made archetype, adding a few points, and being ready to roll in minutes.

For more information, check out the Kickstarter page! Watch the video! Leave a comment! Back for just $1 and get access to the playtest document!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/jasonlblair/kung-fu-animals-save-the-world-for-the-savage-worl

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Out Now: LITTLE FEARS: THE WOLF PACT

I published a book! A book I’ve been wanted to get out for ten years. Introducing the first book in the Little Fears Middle Grade fiction line: The Wolf Pact. Here’s a cover!

Little Fears: The Wolf Pact Cover

About The Wolf Pact
Eleven-year old Nate Torrance is alone. His best friend, Darren, no longer talks to him. His mom works all the time. His dad lives out of state and never calls. He’s pretty much given up on the whole idea of “friendship” until an encounter with a monster gives him a common bond with Jennifer Mills, the new girl in his class. When Darren’s little sister, Lindsay, is abducted, the two set out to save her—and discover an unexpected truth behind the monster they’re hunting and the place where all monsters live: Closetland.

How you can get it:
Kindle version on Amazon.
PDF and eBook version on DriveThruRPG.

Physical copies will be coming soon.

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Out Today: AGENTS OF MAYHEM

aom_cover

Wow. This is a huge one for me.

I’ve worked in video games for over a decade and on multiple projects (some of which even shipped!) but I’ve never put so much heart, soul, sweat, and tears into a game as I have into Agents of Mayhem.

Four years of my life. I can’t properly convey just how much of myself is in this game, how much making it pushed me to my limits, put me in the fire with some of the best and brightest people I’ve ever known.

Today is an incredibly emotional day. Every game release is a minor miracle. And I have no idea how Agents of Mayhem will sell or how it will review. But I know what the team at Volition faced and overcame to put this latest game together and out the door and I am so proud to be among them.

To all those who contributed, in house and through outsourcing: We made a good game. It’s fun and funny and personal and hits the tones we were aiming for. Be proud. Be happy. This thing of ours? It’s really really good stuff.

Thank you. And congratulations.

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Roots Pushing Through

I think I’m starting to understand the concept of putting down roots. Staying in a place for a while. Staying at a job, a company for a long time. It’s…weird for me.

I never felt a connection to my hometown. And I always dreamt of having what is a rather impractical career.

When I was younger, I bounced around a variety of jobs that I hoped were never gonna turn into my career. So leaving when things got hard or tiring often felt like my best option. I didn’t want to work at those jobs forever so why put up when things weren’t great?

When my wife and I moved closer to Cleveland for her job, it was no big deal for me. The move meant closer proximity to cool things and I could continue to work on being a writer as I went from job to job.

Moving to Madison was harder–because of proximity to family–but it was a shot at working on something I truly love so we took it.

My need to move forward in my career outweighed pretty much every other factor.

And Madison is a great town. It’s my favorite town out of all the places I’ve lived. (London is my favorite town I’ve ever visited.)

Years later, I left that job for another job in the same area. And then that shop closed down. And I had no other opportunities.

This is the time when I launched a new edition of Little Fears and kicked off Operation: Awesome which were my attempts to hone my abilities and get practical, real product out there.

This led to some very welcome freelance gigs but it meant I was in constant pitching, constant working. I did anything and everything not just to scrape together taco money but to work my craft.

I wrote numerous bits and pieces for tabletop games (some of which paid, some of which got published, something that did both, some that did neither) and started doing article writing for AdventureGamers.com.

Once a year, I’d land a whale: a multi-month video game gig that helped us get through the leaner periods.

I was in panic mode this whole time. Every offer was short-term and I needed to find real stable full-time work. So I could catch my breath if nothing else.

I spent many years chasing a full-time opportunity. Any full-time opportunity. None of the work I got lasted all that long so I needed to be constantly looking for the next gig.

2012 is when everything changed. When I got an amazing offer–but had to walk away. When I won second prize at two different studios.

And then I landed the job at Volition.

But now, five years later, I am still always looking over my shoulder for the next thing. When things get too hard, my instinct is to look for another job.

I’ve developed a lot of bad habits–some necessary, some not–and they’re hard to shake.

All of this has prevented me from being comfortable putting down roots.

Why should I when I’m just gonna bounce, right?

But the truth is I’m in my chosen career, doing a job I love on amazingly “me” projects, working with amazing people–many of whom have become good friends. But I’ve never shaken off this perpetual fight or flight sensation.

It’s become something that nags at me. My obsessive tendencies likely exacerbate this.

And I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, as I’ve spent all this time at home due to my dying leg/recent hip replacement. And I think about my kids and their friendships. And my house and how I’ve just started having movie nights with family and friends. And how Champaign doesn’t have all the amenities on my wishlist but I have access to a lot of great parks and shops and restaurants.

I’ve been here five years. Not just in Champaign but at Volition. This is my longest stint at a job in my life–by some magnitude.

And I wonder if I can set down roots here. If I can put away the paranoia and fear and just relax. Just enjoy life and the area and, yeah, some times will be harder than others but maybe it’s worth pushing through.

I wonder. And I think maybe I can.

It might be time for me to catch my breath.

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Hello? This thing on?

So it’s been a year, huh?

Man, what craziness the past twelve months have brought.

I won’t be getting too much into it right now but I’m facing down a full left hip replacement next Thursday and about a month of recovery so my blogging time should shoot right up!

Until then, please enjoy these videos for Agents of Mayhem, out for PC, PS4, and Xbox One on August 15th (NA) and August 18th (EU).

A trailer!

Videos I am in!

The E3 2017 Demo!

For more videos, check out the official Deep Silver Volition YouTube Channel and the official Agents of Mayhem website.

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WATCH ME: Live on the Internet!

Well, “live” as in “pre-recorded” but so be it.

As you may know, I spent last week in Los Angeles, California showing off Agents of Mayhem at E3. I had a blast, and a big part of that was being able to sit down with press and discuss our game. If you’ve been wanting to see more of me (and, boy oh boy, who hasn’t been?) then check out the videos below.

Me on Twitch!

Me on Gamespot!

Me on Young Hollywood!

I also narrated the following video where I talk more in-depth about what to you’ll find in Agents of Mayhem.

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